


Far too much and not enough

by Beetletypical



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Bisexual Dave Strider, Boys In Love, Chubby Karkat, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Human Karkat Vantas, Hurt/Comfort, Kankri Vantas & Karkat Vantas Are Brothers, Karkat Needs a Hug, Karkat Swearing, Multi, Recovery, Rose Lalonde and Dave Strider are Siblings, Slow Burn, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Jade Harley, Trans Karkat Vantas, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 15:27:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14475639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beetletypical/pseuds/Beetletypical
Summary: Dave strider has a dream about his good friend karkat, kanaya finds out and karkat has a cry. I'll try and update every month or so.





	1. dave is not gay

**Author's Note:**

> Please some one teach me how to do the colour thing

His skin was soft, and hands begged to be touched. Chapped lips made their way to his neck, kissing with less than subtle desperation. Eyes, not covered by shades, glanced down as contact was made. Confessions leaped from both boys lips, as hands touched hands. Hearts reached out to hearts, and lips reached out to lips. Everything passionately sudden and achingly slow at the same time. It had been a long time coming, so when it came it happened fast. 

Contact. Love. Reasurance. Hands gripping sheets. All faded away as Dave Strider awoke from the dream. A dream that he knew he shouldn't be having. He wasn't gay, he was sure he wasn't. The only reason he must be having these dreams is because his good freind, Karkat Vantas, and object of his dream affection had just come out as pansexual. That was surely it. Yet he couldn't get the eco of the dream from his head. The whispers and confessions of love. The safety he felt as he was cradled in the other boy's arms. 

He sat up, reaching out for his phone to check the time. Great, he was woken up at 6:34 on a holiday, all thanks to the stupid dream, and stupid, hot, perfe- Karkat fuckin' Vantas. Surprisingly, he had no notifications. No one had pestered him, not even Terezi, who probably wouldn't even be asleep yet. He knew he should talk to someone. John? No, he wouldn't get it. Rose? She would over analyze it all. Karkat? No! That would be a step too far

Kanaya- that was it. She was one of karkats best freinds, so she might be able to help. She was also joint first in the biggest lesbian category, next to rose, so she might know a bit about the LGBT stuff. 

His hands hovered above the pesterchum icon, but he couldn't quite bring himself to click. He couldn't wake Kanaya for something so stupid. It was a dream and he didn't feel anything at all about it, as cool kids often did. He was indifferent. He totally could stop thinking about Karkat's surprisingly soft hands, with red nail polish on bitten nails. The way his lips would feel when pressed against karkat's didn't posses 20% of his mind and he certainly didn't want to know what it would be like to put his hands through karkats thick black curls. 

His name is Dave Strider, and he is not gay

He put down the phone. There was nothing much he could do at 6:40 in the morning, so he layed back down and tried not to think too hard. Especially not about a certain Mr Vantas. Dave forced his thoughts to go to other places and by the morning he had planned out several 'sick beats' he would make, and hand out to his freinds via pesterchum. These beats would be so sick they would practically be dying. With his mind taken away from the dream (that obviously didn't mean anything) and his thoughts taken up by plants for ill tunes he fell to sleep, and he didn't dream of karkat. He didn't even dream at all. 

Dave awoke to the sound of a crash, and the sight of lil cal who was holding a note in one of his hands. Paws? Gloves. He moved closer and took the note out of the ever present puppets glove. Shit. Bro wanted a fight, and he wanted it now. He stood up, shoving on a t-shirt that he didn't mind getting dirty and a regular pair of black skinny jeans. He grabbed his shitty sword and little cal before walking out of his room and up onto the roof. He hoped things would not get particularly messy, and he prayed to any god that may be listening that bro wasn't to angry.

As soon as he stepped foot onto he roof it started. His sword clanged against Bro's, knocking him of balance and before he could get it back another blow was delivered. This time he couldn't block, and the sharp sword cut straight into his arm, leaving a slash through his delicate skin. He attempted to get back his balance, but had no time to swing his sword before a third blow was dealt, witch ripped the material on his top. Dave wasn't on his top game today, his mind still foggy from the dream. As much as he told himself it didn't mean anything, he was still occupied with it on some subconscious level he couldn't quite understand and it was really throwing him off of his game. 

He stumbled, the 4th blow hiting him in the shoulder, but not cutting. It would leave a terrible bruise, and he would have to hide it but not was not the time to be thinking about that. He collected himself for the second he could spare, focusing on his center of gravity and getting back on solid footing. He swung his shitty sword, and by some feat of pure miracle, knocked bro's sword clean out of his hands, and watched it clatter to the floor. Bro did not seem to be put off and swung a punch witch landed square on Dave's face. That punch cut short his small moment of victory. It knocked Dave back physically and mentally, as he stumbled to the floor, and clenched his eyes shut hoping that bro would have had enough and they he would be able to go back to his room like a hurt dog to go 'lick his wounds'. 

Bro wasn't done, and had picked up his blade, brining it down. Dave put up his arms to stop it going into his face, and let out a scream, witch ripped through the air like the blade of Bro's sword. He knew no one would come to help him, they never did. Dave only hoped that he would be able to awaken some deeply hidden empathy in his brother. What he received instead was an arrogant chuckle, as Bro knew (like always) that he had won. 

When Dave opened his eyes a second later bro was gone, presumably to down a few victory beers and read game bro, or something just as idiotic involving puppets. He stood, and moved his way back down stairs, counting the small mercies;

He hasn't been cut on his head, or anywhere were it was obvious. The cuts on his arms weren't so deep that they needed medical attention and his newly ripped shirt was one of his older ones. 

Dave was soon slumped in his desk chair, cuts hastily bandaged, and his shirt changed into something less ripped. He took a deep breath, and then a big swig of apple juice, before logging into pesterchum on his computer and checking his messages. He had afew. John, Rose, Kanaya and karkat had all pestered him while he was strifing with his brother. When he saw karkats chum handle he just about winced, remembering the dream he had that night. Maybe he should message Kanaya and see what she thought. Since she messaged him first that is.

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering turntechGodhead [TA] at 9:30--

GA: Hello Dave. I Saw That You Were Online In The Early Hours Of The Morning, Is Something Bothering You By Chance?

GA: Also, If You Are Not Preoccupied I Would Like To Inquire Something About Your Sister.

TG: Yo.

GA: Fantastic, I See You're Full Of Conversational Wit.

TG: are you practicing your sarcasm again Kanaya? i told you, hanging out with rose that much is just going to make you even more sarcastic. it will break the flighty broads' sarcomiter. 

TG: that's how you got her to date you isn't it. through sarcasm 

TG: rose would say it's sarcasm to hide your attraction by saying it out loud with like a different tone

TG: with some bullshit sociology words sprinkled in their like hundreds and thousands on the most boring cake in existence

GA: Yes, Dave, I'm Sure That Rose Would Say Exactly That. I Also Suppose That She Would Say That You Were Avoiding The Question By Doing Whatever You Just Did.

GA: Now Dave, What Were You Doing In The Early Hours Of The Morning?

Dave hesitated for a moment. He didn't know if he could tell Kanaya: on one hand he was certain Kanaya wouldn't tell, but on the other hand he was almost afraid of what she would say. His fingers grazed over the keys untill he wrote

TG: ok so we're jumping straight into the no bullshit zone are we? the zone so clear of bullshit you could practically lick it.

GA: Yes, That Is Correct Dave. Were Stepping Into The Zone Clear Of Bullshit.

TG: ok, ok

TG: i had a strange dream about someone

GA: Yes? What Kind Of Dream? Who Was It?

TG: karkat

GA: A Dream About Karkat Woke You Up That Early?

TG: yeah. we were like kissing or something, i'm sure it doesn't mean anything

The more Dave thought and wrote that he wasnt bothered by the dream and it didn't mean that he was gay the more he started to realize that maybe it did mean something. He wasn't a homophobe, but he always told himself that he wasn't gay. He gripped those words like a life line and used them to keep him afloat. He didn't know how Bro would react (if he was gay) but he was certain it wouldn't be good. His laptop pinged, and a message came through

GA: I'm Fairly Sure It Means Something Dave.

GA: Dave, Have You Considered You May Be Bisexual. 

GA: as in like guys and girls?

Bisexual huh, Dave thought, that sounded about right


	2. Karkat Vantas and the Pom poms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat is ashamed of some messages he sent to kanaya. He also makes some Pom poms. Featuring art by @electro—wave on tumblr (When I figure out how to add it)

************Karkat Vantas sat in his bed room with his head in both of his hands, and his phone on his floor along with his dignity. Last night in a sleep loss stupor he had messaged his best friend, Kanaya Maryam, and spilled his heart out about his crush on the infamous cool kid, Dave ‘fucking’ strider. Groaning, he sat up and collected his phone from the hard wood flooring. He looked down at the cracked screen and sighed. Not because the screen was cracked, (he had done that long ago) but because the screen displayed a notification reading “kanaya Maryam: 29 messages”

 

He shook his head and flopped down onto his bed, clicking on the pesterchum icon. While he could not yet deal with kanaya’s bullshit he did want to message the object of his affection. His fingers tapped against the glass of his phone, formulating the best message that he could muster.

 

CG: HAY FUCKASS

 

He sent the message quickly and put his phone back down, he still could not bare to message the lesbian orchestrator of all his hopes and dreams (also known as kanaya). Before long he was bored, just laying there staring at the seeling and began to study his nails. They were painted red, in a futile attempt to stop him for biting them. He wished he could stop biting them.

 

His mind had soon wandered from biting of nails to much deeper subjects. What was the meaning of life? How we’re humans created? Why was his alarm going off?

 

Karkat jolted up, that alarm meant to had to get ready to go out to his local lgbt group, witch he attended every week. He got changed quickly, pulling on his binder underneath a t-shirt and black sweater. He tugged on some sweatpants and pulled on some converse. He studied himself in the mirror for a few seconds, allowing his eyes to linger, just for a second, distainfully on his own non flat chest. Without bothering to do his hair he left the house and began the 5 minute walk to the bus stop, listening to the rythmic tapping of his own feet. It reminded him strangely of the tunes Dave sent to him, and the thought of Dave tugged him back into the shame of what he said to kanaya last night.

 

Before long he was at the group, and sat sandwiched between Jade, who was chatting with Rose, and Sollux who was arguing with Eridan. He shot a glance at Kanaya who looked back at him with motherly concern. She was sat hand in hand with Rose, but mouthed to him that she would talk to him later. Karkat grumbled under his breath and contented himself with trying to stop the argument between Sollux and Eriden.

 

“FUCKASSES! JUST *STOP* ARGUING. I DONT CARE WHOES STOLE WHOES COKE OR WHOES DENIED THE OTHER A HATE SNOG. I JUST CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS TODAY”

 

Silence filled the room after his outburst, so he huffed and crossed his arms with a smug look on his face. There was not much that could stop the hate-birds from arguing, except from a good yell from Karkat. A few minutes later, the groups adult worker walked in and it officially started.

 

Making pom-poms wasn’t exactly Karkat’s favourite activity, but it was what they were doing today. It was ,however a welcome distraction from the nagging shame he felt from telling kanaya everything about his adoration for strider. He sat on the floor wool surrounding him, wounding bits of wool around 2 pieces of cardboard and watched everyone elce, pretending to be focused on his activity. Jade was sat next to him, helping him make a multitude of pom-poms in the trans flag colours. They would be used to decorate the float they would be using at next years pride and Delorosa, the lady who ran the group (and strangely enough kanayas mother), thought it would be a good idea for them to start now.

 

On one side of the small room sat kanaya, making the lesbian flag with rose. Ashamed of spilling his feelings about Dave to her, Karkat had sat on the other side of the room to avoid speaking with her as much as possible. Sollux and eridan sat in the corner, and even though they weren’t saying anything bitterness still radiated from them as they made rainbow coloured pom-poms. Roxie, Dirk,Jake and Calliope sat together making a mixture of Bi,Pan and rainbow Pom-poms. Near the centre of the room, Vriska and Terezi were laughing in the middle of the room, terezi’s distinctive cackle echoed the walls and drowned out every conversation. They were clearly not doing the activity.

 

Though the activity was not karkats favourite it was fun. His fingers worked nimbly and he was soon destracted from the nagging embarrassment of what he told kanaya. At least for a small while.

 

Soon it had come back to him though, and he slowed his work and began to think. He remembered that the pesterlogs went into embarrassing details about how he wanted to ‘run his hands through soft, blonde Daves hair’ and how he could never get him off of his mind. Vantas knew that all that he said was true but he didn’t want to say it to anyone else. Kanaya knew most of his secrets but he could not believe he told her (in so much detail) how much he loved and wanted to be with strider. He also couldn’t be leave he liked Dave strider of all people. Strider was an arrogant fool, with self important tendencies who kept up a wall higher than the one trump wanted to build. Maybe that was what drew him to Strider? The challage. “I should stop fucking watching romcoms” he muttered to himself as he wound more string around cardboard.

 

By the end of the session,Karkat had made 5 and a half pom-poms, decided to stop watching romcoms, immediately discarded that decision, broke up a fight between Sollux and eriden, and successfully avoided Kanaya. As per usual his success could not last for long, while he was walking out of the building he was cornered by kanaya. Determination burned in her eyes and Karkat knew he wouldn’t be able to get home without talking to her even with the best of excuses.

 

“So, Karkat” she started, her voice laced with a mixture of concern and annoyance at karkats avoidance. “What were those pesters about in the middle of the night? I believe that we should really talk about your... crush on a certain person”

 

Karkat shook his head “Kanaya, no” he half-yelled, exasperated “it’s fucking embarrassing what I sent to you. I don’t know why I said it and I didn’t even mean half of it. Striders straight and if you tell him anything shit will hit the fan”

 

She simply shook her head, the conversation she had with Dave still fresh in her mind. Karkat was lead by her, gently, to a park and a little more forcibly made to sit on a chair.

 

“Karkat, you clearly have a lot of feelings for our mr Strider and while I won’t make you talk to me about it I will, however, make you sit out here with me in the park until you tell me something” she said, her voice indication that she knew she had won

 

Karkat sighed. He didn’t want to talk to kanaya about his feelings. Not in person with a fully functioning mind atleast. He did not want to stay in this stupid park for much longer but he knew that he would have to sit it out. He fiddled with the cuff of his sleeve, for a good 10 minute before his patience wore thin

 

“Ok! I like Dave but he’s an arrogant fool! He’s awful and fucking ignorant and fucking cute!”

 

Kanaya nodded, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, prompting him to carry on

 

“Striders straighter than a ruler anyway” he muttered.

 

“You’re in for a surprise then” a voice behind him quipped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Please leave a comment, criticism is appreciated

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Comments are loved and so are kudos!!


End file.
